I'll Look After You REWRITE
by totalizzyness
Summary: Dean finds himself being looked after by Castiel a lot - from the minor man-flu to full heart-break - and it takes four years to realise that sometimes Cas needs looking after too. - Mature content, strong language, Dean/Castiel
1. Chapter 1

**Summary: Dean finds himself being looked after by Castiel a lot - from the minor man-flu to full heart-break - and it takes four years to realise that sometimes Cas needs looking after too.  
Warnings: Strong language, mature content  
Pairings: Dean/Castiel, mentions of Dean/Lisa, Sam/Jess  
Author's note: I finally got around to re-writing this after hating it since it's publication. It'll be in two parts - as suggested by someone - and it'll hopefully just be better and not so rushed. So do please enjoy!**

* * *

Dean meeting Castiel had probably been the best thing to ever happen to him.

It had been a bizarre twist of fate. It started with him getting monumentally drunk at his friend Ash's party, accepting a dare to go and pretend to be a stripper for Mrs Atkins down the hall in 44, that led to him knocking on the wrong door - 43 - and nearly throwing up over the man who answered. Dean managed to reign in his urge to vomit and just grinned cheekily.

"Mrs Atkins!"

The man frowned; "no, you have the wrong apartment."

"Oh... Do you um... Have you got a bathroom, because I have a sneaky suspicion that I - Dean Winchester - am going to throw the fuck up!"

Dean swayed in the man's doorway, still bearing a cheeky grin. The man nodded, letting Dean past and ushered him to his bathroom. The moment Dean saw the toilet he began heaving and dropped to his knees, hunching over it as he threw up. The apartment's owner watched sympathetically from the door, torn between letting the stranger throw up by himself or going over and offering some kind of support. His good Samaritan personality took over, and he found himself sitting on the edge of the bath-tub, rubbing the boy's back soothingly, citing words of encouragement. Dean coughed up a disgusting combination of vomit and phlegm, spitting it in to the bowl before turning to smirk at his helping hand.

"Thanks man... Sorry for... Me."

The man smiled; "it's fine. Do you need a drink?"

"Nah, I think I've had way too much tonight."

"I meant water."

"Oh... Why not."

The man nodded; "are you all right or...? Do you feel like you're going to vomit any more?"

"I think I'm all out..."

"Come on then."

He linked his arm under Dean's armpit, hoisting him to his feet before helping him through to the front room, dropping him on the sofa. He hurried to the kitchen, getting Dean a glass of water and a bucket from under the sink, returning as quick as possible.

"In case you get the sudden urge to," he smiled, motioning to the bucket. Dean nodded, taking the water.

"Thanks... Uh..."

"Castiel."

"Castiel... I'm going to call you Cas. Because I'm drunk! And it's either that or something objectifying and I don't want to throw your hospitality back in your face by pointing out you've got a nice ass. Which you do! But, you don't need me saying stuff like that. Can I crash here? I'm not gay by the way. Or a pervert. I can just appreciate that sometimes guys look nice..."

Castiel nodded slowly, not sure what to make of the drunken man occupying his sofa; "um... You may stay on my sofa if you wish. Do you have anyone you need notifying of your whereabouts?"

"Um..." Dean took a long noisy slurp of the water; "...My brother might like to know where I am. But then he'd ask questions, and get all pissy about me leaving him with dad and... You have work tomorrow Dean! You shouldn't be getting drunk! Why do you hang out with Ash anyway? He's a bad influence! Think about me for once Dean! Dean what about me? I'm all out of tampons Dean! Dean!"

"Right..."

"Ignore me. I'm a dick. I love Sammy, he's my world. But Goddamn sometimes that little shit rubs me the wrong way! So... You can call him if you like, my phone's... Somewhere."

Castiel cleared his throat, feeling a little awkward in his own home; "tell you what, you go to sleep, get rid of the alcohol from your system, and we'll call him in the morning."

Dean grinned; "sure! Thanks Cas, you're awesome, you know that? Like really... You're just, cool!"

Cas smiled meekly; "well thank you... I'll get you some blankets and a pillow."

Dean woke up the next morning with what felt like a marching band in his head and cotton-mouth. Groaning, he rolled on to his side. First, he noticed he was in a strange house, the owner of which clearly liked drab paint-schemes, and brown. The second thing he noticed was that the drab-paint-scheme-liking home-owner had left a glass of water and two aspirin on the coffee table for him. Easing his head up from the pillow, Dean reached up, taking the proffered hangover cures and quickly tossing them back, thinking up a plan of action for evicting the mental marching band. Step two: greasy fry-up. He heard a door click shut behind him and the sound of bare feet on laminate flooring padding closer.

"Oh, you've woken. I'd hoped you would before I left."

Dean spun round, finding himself looking at a dark-haired, blue-eyed man in a casual suit of black pants, white shirt and blue tie. He nodded, trying to gather his thoughts from the night before.

"How's your head? Have you taken the aspirin I left?"

Dean nodded again, trying to find his tongue; "...Um, who are you again?"

Cas smiled fondly; "I'm Cas. You knocked on my door extremely inebriated last night."

"Right... Why did I?"

"I haven't a clue, I know you were trying to get a hold of Mrs Atkins next door."

"Ok... So uh..."

"Do you need anything? Coffee? Something to eat? I know greasy food is good for hangovers but I'm afraid I don't have the time or ingredients."

Dean shook his head slowly; "um... Coffee would be great, thanks."

"It's fine... I'll be leaving for work in half an hour, do you need a ride anywhere?"

Dean pulled himself up, following Castiel in to the kitchen; "where do you work?"

"Adler's Accountants. It's on the high-street."

"Oh, um, you can just drop me off in the town centre? I don't live that far."

Castiel nodded and flicked the on button of his coffee machine; "I don't mind taking you home, Dean. I promised your brother I'd get you home safe and sound so he could kick some sense in to you."

Dean chuckled lightly; "yeah? When did you speak to him?"

"This morning. He rang at seven to see if you were still alive. I told him you were fine, if a little drunk last night. He said he'd ring your boss and tell him you wouldn't be coming in."

"Ah, good kid... Bobby's still going to kick my ass."

"Is he your boss?"

"Yeah, he owns Singer's Garage, just a bit out of town?"

Castiel smiled, pulling two cups from an overhead cupboard; "you're a mechanic?"

"Technically, yeah. I mean, that's my day job... I'm kind of a jack of all trades, master of fuck all, you know?"

"It can't be as bad as being a bean-counter. I'm not even that yet! I'm just some paper-pushing assistant until I've finished my exams!"

Dean smiled; "true, at least I get to work outside and use my hands... I couldn't be cooped up in an office five days a week."

Castiel poured the two of them cups of coffee and leant on the counter in front of Dean, smiling; "are you hungry?"

Dean shook his head; "don't mention food, or else you'll have to get changed."

Chuckling, Cas pushed himself off the counter, cradling his hot cup of coffee against his chest. The two of them shared small talk happily until Cas had to continue getting ready for work, which basically consisted of putting on socks, shoes and his blazer. Dean gathered his things and followed his new friend down to his car, sliding in the passenger seat.

"If I insulted your car, what would your reaction be?"

"I'd drive past the speed limit on the highway and kick you out, why?" Castiel laughed, pulling his seat belt across his chest. Dean smirked.

"Because this is a hunk of shit."

"I know. Can't really afford an upgrade at the moment. At least it runs."

"True..."

They got moving, Castiel kindly taking the ten minute detour to Dean's house without anything less than a big smile.

"You know Cas, you're awesome."

Cas' smile grew; "yes, you said so last night."

Dean chuckled; "yeah, well, now I'm sober and I mean it. Really! It's not like people to home drunk idiots for the night. I could have been some kind of... Pervert!"

Castiel let out his own little chuckle; "oh no, you assured me last night you weren't a pervert. After you complimented my behind, that is."

Dean's face flushed red; "oh God, I'm sorry!"

"It's fine."

"If I can do anything to pay you back. Seriously, anything!"

Cas glanced over at Dean when they stopped at a red light; "well actually, Jack of all trades, I have a sort of antique record player - given to me by an older relative. It's quite sentimental to me and it's not really working at the moment. And I daren't move it."

Dean grinned; "sure man, I can look at it."

"As soon as possible would be great."

"No problem."

* * *

The following Sunday, Dean found himself slouched against the wall of the corridor outside Ash's apartment, staring at his feet. Across from him, Ash was idly drumming on his legs as they waiting for the building manager to turn up an let them in to his apartment.

"Dean?"

The larger boy's head shot up; he grinned when he saw Castiel slowly approaching, a bag of groceries tucked against his chest; "hey Cas."

He slowly pulled himself to his feet, his legs having gone slightly numb.

"What are you doing out here?"

"Moron here forgot his keys, now we're locked outside."

Cas smiled; "how unfortunate."

"Yeah... Hey, you want me to fix your record player? It's not like I'm doing anything!"

"If you'd like... Would your friend like to-"

"-Ash has to wait for the building manager."

"Oh... Well, would you like a drink?"

Ash smirked; "nah, thanks man.

"Very well... Come on Dean."

Grinning, Dean followed Cas in to his apartment. He'd almost forgotten what the inside of Cas' home looked like, also forgetting not everyone lived like Ash and actually had furniture, and floors you could see.

"I never said last time, nice digs, man."

Cas smiled; "thank you. The record player's in my bedroom."

Dean nodded, smirking slightly; "oh is it now?"

"Yes, I'll show you."

Dean chuckled; "of course you will."

Castiel frowned; "I'm sorry?"

"Nothing. If Sam was here he'd slap me and tell me I was confusing porn with real life."

"Confusing porn with...? Oh... Maybe you are a pervert after all. I assure you, this is no vain attempt on my behalf to try and seduce you. I am now however apprehensive of your intentions."

Dean laughed; "don't worry, I'm really not a pervert! Besides, you're not my type."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I like boobs. Boobs are good."

Castiel laughed; "well, I'm happy for you. Now, my record player?"

"Yeah, sure man, lead the way."

Dean sat on Cas' bedroom floor - which thankfully was carpeted - whilst Castiel put away his shopping and started making himself some dinner.

"Would you like to stay for dinner?" he asked, poking his head around his bedroom door. Dean glanced up from looking at record player's needle. He grinned.

"Sure dude."

"You're not allergic to anything, are you?"

"Just healthy food."

Castiel laughed and went back to the kitchen. Dean had just finished fixing the record player when Castiel shouted him. Brushing down his jeans, he marched through to the kitchen, grinning when he saw a pile of mini-burgers piled on a plate.

"You made burgers?"

Cas smiled and pulled two beers from the fridge; "I did."

"Dude, you are freakin' awesome!"

"So you keep saying."

Dean followed Cas to the sofa, sitting comfortably in the corner, still grinning as Cas handed him a beer and put the burgers on the coffee table in front of them.

"I'm trusting you to be a big boy and not ruin the upholstery."

"Can do... You're a way better friend than Ash! I have to feed myself at Ash's! And... You have furniture!"

Castiel laughed; "intriguing."

"He has bean-bags. I thought he was joking back in high school when he said he wasn't having any real furniture when he moved out..."

"What does he sleep on?"

"He has this water-mattress thing? Not that he even sleeps on it. He crashes on the floor most nights. He only really uses the bed for sex, which he gets an alarming lack of."

"Whereas you have trouble keeping the girls away?"

"Exactly!"

* * *

Castiel and Dean became firm friends almost instantly. Finishing their evening on Cas' bedroom floor listening to Led Zeppelin LPs and drinking beer. Dean finally left when Ash knocked on the door requesting to have his friend back. Cas and Dean quickly swapped numbers and planned to go out for a beer at some point in the near future.

A beer one Sunday, was followed by a beer the following Sunday, and the same the Sunday after that, and quickly the two men had a routine. Dean soon found himself visiting Castiel more than Ash.

One Thursday, Castiel had just gotten home from work and was just going to hop in the shower when there was a loud, frantic knock at his door. Sighing, he pulled it open, his mood instantly changing when he was met with a distraught looking Dean.

"Oh God, what's wrong?"

He pulled Dean inside, frog-marching him over to the sofa and sitting him down. Dean loud out a deep sigh, looking up at Castiel with big sad eyes.

"Sammy's going to Stanford."

Castiel frowned, perching on the edge of his coffee table; "ok? That's good isn't it?"

"He's moving nearly 2,000 miles across the country just to get away... I'll never see him! He'll forget about me! I nearly raised that kid and..."

Dean began choking on his own sobs, torn between crying and breathing. Castiel let out a soft sigh, wrapping Dean in his arms, rubbing his back.

"It'll be fine, Dean. Sam loves you, you're his brother. You'll see him when he comes home, and he certainly won't forget you! He idolises you!"

Dean spluttered in to Cas' shoulder; "I wish that were true, Cas, I really do."

"Dean, I wish you'd believe me once in a while."

"I wish I could too."

Castiel smiled meekly and held Dean at arms length; "look Dean, I'm going to grab a shower, I really need one - some new intern spilt coffee on me. Why don't you, order some take-out, whatever you fancy, and grab some beers... And then you can show me the wonders of Godfather II?"

Dean choked on his laugh, smiling widely at his friend; "thanks Cas."

"Don't mention it. No chick flick moments, right?"

"Right."

Cas pulled himself to his feet; "you know where the menus are, I'll keep it short."

Dean smirked; "don't cut down your shower time on my behalf, I know you love to soak in all that steam and rub those oils and lotions on you."

Cas barked out a laugh; "excuse me? I hope you're not confusing the two of us, Dean. Whatever lotions I may have are half-empty whenever I let you shower here!"

Dean turned round, grinning over the back of the couch as Castiel made his way to his room; "hey, I can appreciate chick stuff sometimes."

"Just order us some pizza, assbutt."

* * *

The day Sam left for Stanford, Castiel found himself babysitting a distraught Dean, making sure he didn't die from alcohol poisoning. They were sat at the bar of the Roadhouse, Ellen tutting and shaking her head as Dean moaned about his life, knocking back drink after drink until she'd decided he'd had enough. Cas sighed, slipping down from his stool.

"Come on big fella, let's get you home."

Dean moaned; "no. There's nothing for me there! Just an empty house!"

Castiel frowned; "let's go to mine then?"

"Can we? You'll never leave, right Cas? You're not going to leave me, I don't think I could handle you ditching me too."

The smaller man smiled meekly, managing to drape Dean's arm over his shoulder; "I wouldn't dream of leaving you, Dean. Who else would tell you how full of shit you are?"

"Everyone leaves me in the end I suppose... First mom, then Sammy... You'll be next."

"Not unless you're planning on having me bumped off. Now come on, I can't carry your fat ass out to my car without your help."

Ellen leant on the bar, smiling; "you're good to him Cas, he's lucky to have you as a friend."

Castiel smiled back; "thanks. Want me to text you when we get in?"

"Nah, I trust you, you'll get him home safe."

Dean managed to drag himself out to Cas' car, leaning on Castiel for support, slumping in the front seat. Getting him out of the car when they pulled up outside his apartment building was not so easy. He'd nearly fallen asleep and needed a couple of sharp slaps across the face to be roused back to consciousness. Dragging him up to his apartment and in to the bathroom had been some kind of miracle, but Castiel soon found himself looking at a familiar sight - Dean slumped over his toilet, throwing his guts up.

"Cas! What did you do to me?" Dean demanded, coughing. Cas smiled meekly, rubbing Dean's back.

"Nothing."

"I was fine! Then I drank that thing and now-"

"-I gave you salt water, to induce vomiting."

"Why?"

"To get it out of your system. I don't want you sleeping with a blood system full of alcohol."

"But why?"

"I would like you to wake up in the morning, Dean... Did it occur to you I won't be able to take you leaving me?"

Frowning, Dean barely managed to lift his head, looking up at Cas; "what?"

"You're my friend, Dean. My best friend, and probably only friend... If you left then... I'd be alone. Again."

"Aww, shit Cas, I'm sorry!"

Castiel smiled, grabbing a wash-cloth from the sink, wiping Dean's mouth; "it's ok, Dean. Just don't leave me."

"I wouldn't dream of it... You're still a dick for making me throw up, though."

"You'll thank me for it in the morning... You all done?"

"I believe so..."

"Good, come on then, hero."

Castiel pulled Dean to his feet and helped him to his bedroom, pushing him down on the bed and starting to untie his shoes. Dean chuckled and fumbled with the buttons on his shirt.

"I hope you're not planning on taking advantage of me, Cas. That would be very unethical of you."

Cas smiled, throwing Dean's shoes to the side, starting to help Dean with his shirt; "damnit, foiled again... One day, Dean, you're going to let me fuck you in to the mattress."

Dean laughed, trying to sit up; "I told you you wanted a piece of this ass!"

"That you did. Come on, we'll have to wait for another day when you let me get in to your pants."

Dean wriggled out of his jeans and pulled himself under the covers; "I may be drunk, but I know when you're being sarcastic!"

Cas smiled and began getting himself ready for bed; "and I may be gay, Dean, but I'm not attracted to every guy that I see."

"But Cas! Look at me! I'm adorable!"

"You're a pain in my ass!"

Dean snorted, curling up to a pillow; "you wish I was a pain in your ass, I know you want to ride me like the wind!"

Castiel laughed, smiling fondly at Dean before climbing in to bed beside him; "go to sleep Dean. I'll try to not to hump your leg."

Dean snorted again, but quieter as he quickly drifted off to sleep. Castiel sighed when he heard Dean's soft snores. He often joked with Dean about his feelings towards him, managing to laugh off the idea that he was in love with Dean, spending most nights wishing he actually wasn't in love with Dean. Wishing Dean was at least bisexual so he didn't feel as stupid and hopeless as he did. Wishing that one day he'd find a guy that would knock him off his feet, a guy he'd want to spend the rest of his life with. He spent many a night dreaming off the man he'd eventually settle down with. He never had a name. But he always looked like Dean.

* * *

**MUCH TIMES PASSES**

* * *

After his third attempt knocking, Castiel let himself in to Dean's apartment. They were supposed to be planning Sam's home-coming party, but he couldn't get a hold of him. He wasn't answering his home phone or cell, Bobby said he hadn't turned up to work, and he was getting worried. He could hear the faint sounds of The Beatles coming from Dean's room. Marching straight in, he found Dean curled up under his duvet and a pile of blankets, face flushed red and his floor littered with screwed up tissues. Cas frowned.

"Please tell me you blew your nose with them!"

Dean glared; "of course I did! If I got a boner I'd probably kill myself! I don't have the blood to spare!"

He quickly digressed in to a painful sounding coughing fit, quickly grabbing a tissue from his bedside table, coughing up some phlegm and other nasty sounding things. Castiel smiled affectionately.

"Have you got the man-flu?"

"Fuck off. I'm dying!"

Cas nodded and began picking up the tissues - careful of where he touched them - and put them in the bin, before pushing Dean to sit up at the head of the bed, comfortably propped up by pillows.

"If you infect me, I will come after you!"

Dean smiled, wiping his nose on a blanket; "I'll be long dead. This sickness will actually be the end of me. Tell everyone I loved them, and tell Sammy he's a stupid moose."

"Oh shut up."

Cas left Dean to moan about his hard life to himself as he rooted through Dean's kitchen cupboards for cold medicine. Finding some he quickly set about filling a hot-water-bottle, taking them in to Dean before rushing out to get some chicken soup. He spent the rest of his day sat at Dean's bedside, making sure he took his medicine, feeding him bits now and then, and generally trying to cheer him up from his miserable state.

"Why are you looking after me?" Dean moaned, cuddling his water bottle like it was his precious child. Cas smiled.

"You'd do the same for me."

Dean chuckled; "no I wouldn't. I'd sit by your door, poking you with a long stick until you got better."

"Well... The thought's there I suppose."

"I bet you'd love it if I poked you with my long stick."

Castiel laughed at Dean's attempt at being seductive; "don't kid yourself, Dean. I've seen your stick."

Dean pouted; "you're cruel! You don't insult a man's junk!"

"You implied Ash was lacking in junk!"

"Well... That's different!"

"How?"

"I haven't seen Ash's! I was just joking! You've seen mine and you're not joking."

Cas smiled, patting Dean's arm; "I've heard size isn't everything."

"Only guys with small pricks say that."

"Suit yourself."

Dean smirked from beneath his blankets, waggling his eyebrows at his friend, before quickly reaching out and punching his arm.

* * *

**MORE TIME PASSES**

* * *

Castiel was woken from what was supposed to be a blissful lie in on one of his rare days off by loud incessant knocking at his door. Groaning, he dragged himself to his feet, and pried open his front door. He was almost bowled over as Dean barged in, babbling something he couldn't understand. Sighing, he sleepily propped himself up against his wall.

"Please tell me this is important, or I'm going to have to kill you," he yawned. Dean stopped pacing and stared at Cas with wide eyes.

"It's Lisa!"

Cas sighed, nodding; "yeah? The yoga-teacher?"

"Yeah."

"...What about her?"

"Remember that weekend we had?"

"Yeah, you had bendy sex for two days and then never called her."

Dean nodded nervously; "yeah... She called me."

"Have you woken up to tell me you have another bendy sexy weekend planned?"

"Fuck I wish! ...No Cas... She's pregnant!"

The words hit Cas like a brick to the face. He'd always lamented he'd never have a life with Dean, but a child - possibly being his - being born was harsh realisation that he definitely wouldn't. He managed to swallow down a dry gulp.

"Is it... Is it yours?"

Dean scuffed his shoes on the floor; "she said it could be... She's not sure about dates... But Cas! I could be a dad! I always thought I'd never amount to anything, and now... I could be having a kid and... Oh my God!"

Castiel was still feeling heartbroken as Dean paced back and forth worrying about his home not being child friendly, about how his mother would have loved to have had a grandchild, how he doesn't want it to grow up without it's father...

"I think I'll get back with Lisa."

Another knife in Cas' heart; "what?"

"I mean, I know I was never really with her but... Our kid doesn't deserve to grow up without it's dad there just because of a mistake! I mean, I'm sure I used protection but... Accidents happen and... I want to be a good dad!"

Cas smiled meekly, hoping his pain wasn't visible; "you'd be a great dad."

"You're just saying that... I'm going to go to Lisa's! Hopefully she'll want to start a family properly! Oh my God! ...I'm going to be a dad!"

He gave Cas a quick pat on the shoulder before darting out of the apartment. Castiel shut the door, sliding down it and buried his face in to his knees. He imagined Dean and Lisa. He imagined them together, in a nice suburban house, with a child. They'd probably have a dog too. And a terrible family car. He could see it perfectly; Dean, Lisa, the baby, Sam, Jess... He wasn't there. There'd be no room for him in Dean's new happy family life. His eyes stung with tears as he began to realise he was going to lose the only person he really had in his life. He sniffed loudly as tears made their way down his cheeks, clinging on to his chin before dripping on to the floor. He was startled back to the real world by the phone ringing. He dragged himself over to the table it sat on, slowly bringing the receiver to his ear.

"Hello?"

"Cas? It's Sam. Is Dean there? He ran off saying something about Lisa being pregnant, and he left his phone."

Cas sniffed again, and shook his head; "no, he's gone to Lisa's."

"Oh... Did he tell you about Lisa? I didn't really, hear anything."

"Lisa's pregnant, there's the large possibility it's his... He's gone to see if she wants to make a go of playing happy families."

"Oh wow, really? Dean could be a dad?"

Cas choked slightly, it hurt even more when Sam said it; "yes."

"Damn... Cas, are you... Are you, crying?"

"Maybe... Kind of..."

He could almost hear Sam's frown down the phone; "what's up?"

Cas let out a long sigh, trying to gather his thoughts; "I think it's... It's the realisation... I always knew this would happen, but... It just really, hurts, you know? Some woman has sex with Dean for two days and she gets to start a family with him! I love Dean for nearly four years, I do everything I can for him, and I get to sit back and watch some, whore make him happy! Tell me Sam, where's the fairness in that?"

Sam huffed loudly; "it sucks, Cas, I know, but... You've got to get over him, man! Four years is a long time to pine over someone! Get out there! Find your own happiness!"

A large sob fell from Cas' lips; "I have, Sam. Right now he's asking Lisa Braeden if she wants to be a proper family."

Sam sighed, almost feeling like crying himself; "I'm sorry Cas. There's nothing we can do..."

"I know... You won't tell Dean, will you?"

"I've kept it from him for three years now, dude, you think I'm abouts to tell him now?"

"Thank you... I have to go now... There's chocolate ice cream in my freezer that needs crying over."

He didn't hear Sam's response as he dropped the phone back in to it's holder, making his way to the kitchen, grabbing all the junk food he could fit in to his arms, retreating back to bed.

* * *

Cas was looking over some papers from work when his phone rang. It rang a lot these days, especially with his promotion he now had a team to lead and a lot of people needing his help. Sighing, he lifted the phone to his hear, muttering his usual greeting.

"Castiel Novak."

"Cas, it's Sam! Forewarning, Dean's coming over! Ben's not his!"

Cas dropped the papers he was holding; "what?"

"The other potential father hounded Lisa to get a DNA test! Turns out Ben's not Dean's! They had some kind of argument, he's on his way!"

"Why-why are you warning me?"

"So you can get your celebrations out of the way before he breaks the news himself! He won't be too happy at you grinning that he's not a dad!"

"Oh..."

"Word of warning, he's upset about not being a dad, not about losing Lisa."

Castiel was about to reply when Dean's frantic knocking sounded at his door; "he's here... Thank you, Sam."

"No problem."

He put the phone down and went to open the door. Dean looked as overwrought as he had the day he'd found out Lisa was pregnant. He slipped in to the apartment, glancing around at everything.

"Dean..."

He spun round, eyes almost bulging; "he's not mine!"

Cas tried to act surprised; "huh?"

"Ben! He's not mine! I... I'm not a father! ...She let me get attached! I've been a dad to a kid that's not mine for six months! I've been living a lie for twelve! She... I can't believe she... Cas! What am I going to do?"

Cas sighed, thinking he'd be happier knowing Dean was single again, but seeing him as upset as he was was heart-wrenching; "Dean..."

Without saying another word, he gathered Dean in his arms, letting the larger man break down and cry on his shoulder. He'd barely seen Dean in the twelve months since he'd gotten together with Lisa, and now out of nowhere he had his old job back of looking after Dean when he was at his lowest. He couldn't help but wonder if Lisa had done all the things for him that he used to - greeting him with a cold beer and head rub after an especially long day at the garage; standing over him and rubbing his back as he threw up after inevitably drinking too much; fishing out the celery from his chicken soup when he was ill because he hated it...

"I don't understand! I swear he even looked like me! I was a good dad, Cas, I really was! And now I'm some loser with no one to love them..."

Cas could feel his gut clench; "like me?"

Dean looked up, rubbing his eyes with his sleeve; "what?"

"Like me, you mean?"

"What? No! Why would, why do you think you're some loser?"

Cas sighed, stepping away from Dean; "because I am, Dean. I haven't been on any kind of date since college! In the past twelve months the only people who have contacted me are people from work and Sam! I spend every night by myself watching terrible TV, eating take-out. I lost the will to actually cook a meal a few months ago... I'm resigned to the fact I'm going to live and die alone."

"Cas! C'mon man! I'm here for you!"

"Where were you five months ago when I sprained my ankle?"

Dean frowned; "you sprained your ankle?"

"I had to take a week off work, hobbled about on crutches for a month... Sam and Ash came by now and then to help me..."

"Wow, dude, I'm sorry-"

"Where were you to celebrate my promotion with me?"

"You got a promotion?"

Castiel nodded; "a few weeks back. Sam took me to the Roadhouse for a drink. You were invited. You didn't answer your phone."

"Look Cas, I'm so sorry! But... I was busy! I had a kid to look after!"

"I know you did, Dean... But I went from having you to not having you and... It was really hard! I don't know how I'd have coped if your brother hadn't stepped in."

Dean felt another tear begin to roll down his cheek; "Sam's a good guy... I so, so sorry Cas! I really, truly am! I promised I'd never leave you... I'm a dick, a real, total dick-wad! ...Please let me make it up to you! I know I don't deserve it, but please Cas!"

Cas let out a long sigh, tears beginning to prickle his eyes; "I don't want to... I really don't. I want to be able to let you go, move on with my life... But as much as I really don't want you, I need you..."

He went to slump to his knees, but was caught by Dean, wrapping his arms around his waist tightly, keeping him on his feet.

"Come on, Cas. What can I do? Anything! I need you too, man! I've lost so much, I need something good!"

"If I asked you to leave and never come back, would you?"

"No, I know you wouldn't mean it... Nothing could make me leave."

"What if I told you I was in love with you? And had been for five years?"

Dean frowned; "what?"

"Will you leave now?"

Dean paused, staring in to Cas' blue tear-filled eyes, blinking his own tears away before shaking his head; "I'm not leaving Cas! Knocking on your door by accident was the best thing that ever happened to me! I'm not letting you die alone."

Castiel buried his face in to Dean's neck; "don't do this to me Dean."

"No Cas, don't do this to me! I know I'm a dick - you never hesitated to tell me all the time - and it only took five years but, fuck... I love you! I need you! You were always there for me, man. I always knew there was someone special out there for everyone... You were with me the whole time!"

He gently carded a hand through Cas' hair before pulling his head back so he could look in to his eyes. He smiled meekly, stroking his thumb across the smaller man's cheek, swiping away a tear.

"Please believe me Cas... I love you. I... I want to be with you, all the time! I want to take care of you for once!"

"...Really?"

"Really! Damnit, Cas, let me prove it you!"

Castiel stared in to Dean's eyes, blinking away any more tears that threatened to form; "...Make love to me, Dean."

"Huh? What? Really?"

"Yes. Please?"

Dean paused, his eyes raking over Cas' almost hopeful look before sighing loudly; "Cas, I can't."

Castiel frowned; "why? I thought you loved me."

"I do! But... I can't do this, Cas. I can't just have sex with my best friend, just because you asked! It doesn't feel right, not like this!"

"Very well... Could you leave, please, Dean?"

"Cas-"

"-Dean. Please. Get out."

Letting out another sigh, Dean composed himself before slinking out of the apartment, collapsing against the wall when the door was shut behind him. On the other side of the door, Castiel was doing the same, sliding down the wall to his ass, burying his face in his knees. He'd never had a confession of love before, and how it had happened wasn't how he'd imagined. He took several deep breaths, blinked away tears forming in his eyes before pulling himself back up on shakey legs, gathering the papers he'd dropped.  
Outside, Dean dragged himself down the hall to Ash's, knocking loudly. The door swung open and Dean practically fell inside, marveling at how nothing had changed in all the time he'd been gone.

"Dean! Long time no see, buddy!"

Dean forced a smile; "yeah, I was in the building, kill two birds with one stone... How've you been?"

"Not bad, man, not bad... You?"

"Oh you know me... Making terrible mistakes," he laughed, bitterly. Ash frowned and marched over to the fridge, pulling out two beers.

"Anything you wanna talk about, man?"

Dean shot Ash a quick smile as he took the offered beer and collapsed down on to one of the bean-bags, still littering the floor; "how did I become such a fuck up? I'm such an idiot! You know? Life was great, I had you, and Cas, and Sam... Awesome people, a decent job... Then fucking... Lisa! Two guys in a short time frame. I knew I used protection!"

Ash chewed his lip awkwardly; "dude?"

"Ben's not mine! He's some douche... Matt, or Mike, or something... We did a DNA test and all I found out was the kid I grew to love isn't mine! And I've been making a life with this woman for a year! And she asked me to stick around!"

"Why didn't you? I mean... You love the kid, right?"

Dean let out a long sigh; "he's not mine, and it kills me. That little bundle of awesome has absolutely nothing to do with me... And I hated the life. I hated getting up early to go to work. I had to get a new job so I could work regular hours and it sucked! And Lisa would moan, all the time! About stupid shit! I never saw anyone! I missed Cas' promotion dude! I missed Sammy's engagement party... I haven't seen you in fucking forever... She kept me from all of you! She went out and had a fucking life! She had friends. And I had to sit around and watch the baby, that wasn't even mine! I'd love to stick around for Ben, be a dad to the little guy... But I don't want... That life! And I don't want Lisa."

"Wow... Lots been going on, then?"

Dean took a large gulp of his beer; "and to make it worse, I think I've lost Cas. I just... Ditched him! For a year! And then come back and expect everything to be fine... I suck as a human being... Is their poison in this beer?"

Ash looked at his friend sceptically; "no."

"Damn... Got any bleach lying around?"

"Dude, what the Hell happened?"

Dean let out a long sigh, glancing around at the unchanged walls of Ash's apartment; "... Did you know Cas was in love with me?"

Ash coughed suspiciously, refusing to look Dean in the eye; "...We all did, man. Me, Sam, Ellen... Everyone."

"What? Why did no one tell me?"

"Why would we tell you? You're straight! We thought it'd just make things awkward! He's loved you since forever, dude. It's kind of sad really. You should have seen him when you broke the news about Ben, he was fucking heartbroken!"

Dean frowned; "why didn't he tell me? This wouldn't have happened!"

"Dude, are you telling me you're gay for Cas?"

"Not... I don't... I don't know, Ash. It's Cas! I can't remember a time without him. He was there for me through everything. All the shit I put him through and... And after all this time the stupid bastard has been in love with me... I feel like I've just kicked him in the face."

Ash sighed, taking a quick swig of his beer; "just apologise. Tell him, you're a fucking idiot, and you love him back and... I don't know."

Dean grimaced; "yeah, I did... He asked me to have sex with him."

Ash spat out his beer; "what? Seriously!"

"Yeah... I said no and he kicked me out."

"Why did he kick you out? Why did you say no?"

"I'm not having sex with one of my oldest friends after basically ignoring him for a year! It didn't feel right! I love him, I'm sure I do... But I'd rather do it right. I don't want to just jump in to bed, especially after everything that's happened!"

Ash frowned; "you tell him that?"

"Didn't really get chance... Hey, do you have a pen and paper?"

"Love letter, old school, like it!"

Dean scowled; "it's not a damn love letter! I want to explain, and he's not going to listen to me so... Pen? Paper?"

Ash pulled himself up and began rummaging around; "got some round here somewhere... Ah-hah!"

Dean rushed over, taking the pen and notepad from Ash, leaning on the kitchen counter as he tried to get his words down. After several scrapped drafts, he finally had it written out, all five pages of it, grinning slightly as it was the longest essay he'd ever written.

"Well, Ash. Thanks for the reality check, and the beer, and the stuff... I think I'm going to go moan to Jess about how I'm a dick, she'll have good advice."

Ash smiled meekly; "it was good seeing you, man. Don't be a stranger!"

They gave each other a quick manly hug - slaps on the back and shoulder punches included - and Dean left, pausing outside of Cas' door to slip the letter underneath.

* * *

**AN: I'll have the ending up shortly! I'll try to do it right this time. And thanks for the reviews and ideas and whatnot, you guys were awesome!**


	2. Chapter 2

Dean chewed on the end of his pen, staring down at the paper in front of him; "hey Jess?"

Jess didn't look up from the oven where she was cooking dinner; "yeah?"

"What rhymes with, 'I'm a monumental prick, please forgive me'?"

"Poetry now?"

"Sam suggested I try all mediums... It's been five days, and I haven't heard from him."

"Look sweetie. The boy's distraught. His heart's been ripped out of his chest, he needs some time! Plus he's really busy with work."

Dean grumbled and hit his head on the table; "what can I do, Jess? I need him back."

Jess sighed, finally turning around to face Dean; "how do you want him back?"

"...What?"

"As a friend or... Lover?"

Dean frowned; "...Well, as a friend at least. But... I want the chance to love him back! Maybe if he'd told me earlier we could've... But... I don't know, Jess. All I do know, is that this sucks! I actually, physically need him back!"

Sighing again, Jess pulled out the chair opposite Dean and sat down; "do something romantic then. A big gesture. And not crappy poetry, you know he won't appreciate your inability to rhyme."

"Ok... Like what then? Flowers? Chocolate? A fucking ring?"

Jess stared at Dean wide-eyed; "all right, calm down... I think the two of us can come up with some kind of idea... Maybe ask Sam. He knows Cas pretty well now..."

"Just twist the knife, Jess, thanks."

"Don't get snappy with me, Dean!"

"Sorry... Sorry... It's just..."

"I know... He'll be home soon, let's wait until after dinner?"

"Yeah, thanks Jess."

With a small smile, Jess pulled herself up and went back to cooking. Dean began doodling idly on the paper in front of him, drawing squiggles and colouring in the blocks to take his mind off the horrible situation he'd gotten himself in to.  
When Sam eventually got home he forewent his ritual after-work-shower to talk to Dean.

"He's busy a lot after his promotion, he has his own department to babysit - and I mean that as literally as I can, the people he works with are just fucking idiots. So he doesn't actually get much time to do anything. The only time he has a proper meal is when one of us drags him out or goes over there. He's fueled pretty much entirely by coffee. He could do with a decent night's sleep... And he really does need to get laid, man. It's been way too long. Any normal human would have cracked and bought a hooker by now!"

Dean grimaced; "I'm not ready for sex with him, Sam. I need to get him talking to me first! Anyway... What time does he get off work?"

"It's usually about six? Home for half-past at the latest."

"Good. I've got an idea..."

Sam smiled tentatively; "yeah?"

"He needs taking care of. He used to do the same for me after a long day at work so... I'll cook him dinner."

"How're you going to get in?"

"Are you kidding? I know where he keeps the spare key!"

Sam paused; "wait... So why did you always knock?"

Dean shrugged; "manners. A man needs his privacy, I'm not just going to barge in to his home."

"Fair enough... Anyway, good luck."

"Thanks, Sammy. Thanks for keeping an eye on him."

"You'd have killed me if I hadn't."

* * *

The next day, Dean found Cas' spare key taped to the underside of the potted plant in the corridor outside his door and let himself in to his old friend's apartment with a bag of groceries. Castiel was due home in half an hour, plenty of time for Dean to cook dinner and give the place a once over. Since living with Lisa, he'd become quite the domestic goddess, easily chopping ingredients and throwing them together as if he was a gourmet chef. Whilst the pasta boiled, Dean ran around the apartment, sighing at the state of disarray it had fallen in to and began tidying. Putting Cas' dirty clothes in the basket, putting his clean ones away, emptying the fridge of gone-off food, making his bed, taking the rubbish out. For some reason he didn't feel like he was overstepping his bounds, even though he had barely interacted with him for a year. When Castiel finally arrived home, he did a double-take at the sight before him.

"Dean? What are you doing here?"

Dean smiled broadly and marched over to Cas, taking his bag and jacket; "a gargantuan birdie told me you're not eating properly, and you're stressed, and you need to relax... So I came over. Cooked you dinner. Did a bit of tidying... You get changed, take a shower or whatever. Dinner will be ready in about ten minutes."

Cas eyed his old friend sceptically; "Dean?"

"Just let me do this for you, Cas," Dean sighed, holding on to Cas' shoulders; "you need taking care of, and I need to make it up to you. I know it's going to take more than dinner but... You've got to give me the chance, man. Please?"

Cas sighed in defeat; "what's for dinner?"

A grin spread across Dean's face; "Thai-style pork noodles! And I have it on good authority you haven't watched Iron Man 2?"

"I wanted to watch it with you."

"I'm here now... Go, get changed, I'll finish dinner."

Castiel nodded, padding through to his bedroom. Dean quickly hung up Cas' jacket, put his bag on the table and hurried back in to the kitchen to finish the food. He'd just finished plating it up when Cas wandered back in to the living area, scrubbing his hair dry with a towel, wearing an AC/DC t-shirt Dean remembered never getting back from him several years ago. He grinned, quickly grabbing two beers from the fridge, uncapping them and thrusting them in to Cas' hands.

"It looks nice, Dean. Thank you."

"Don't speak too soon, it could taste like shit."

Cas smiled meekly and went to sit on the sofa, Dean following with the food and DVD. They sat on opposite ends on the sofa - to Dean's dismay - and settled in to watch the film.

"This is very good, Dean. It's been too long since I've had a proper meal..."

Dean managed a small smile; "s'alright, Cas. I've found I quite like cooking..."

"You're welcome to come over tomorrow and cook if you like. I'm tired of ready meals and take-out..."

"I was already planning on it."

Cas gave Dean a bigger smile, turning back to watch the adventures of Tony Stark. After a few moments Cas chuckled to himself.

"You always reminded me of Tony a bit... Apart from the genius billionaire bit."

Dean smirked; "you mean the womanising bit?"

"And the voluntary isolation. I always felt like I was Pepper, and Sam was Rhodey."

Dean laughed; "you're not wrong there. You called me out on my shit, Sammy gave my ass a good kicking when it needed to be kicked..."

They smiled at each other, prolonging their stare until Dean began to feel a little awkward, looking back at the screen. Once they'd finished eating, Dean took the plates back in to the kitchen, dumping them in the sink to be washed later. He looked back over to the sofa, smiling at the back of Cas's head, suddenly remembering the head rubs he used to get from his friend, and remembering Castiel had a strange love for having his feet rubbed. Grabbing two more beers, Dean marched back over to the sofa, putting the beers on the table and flopping down on the sofa, grabbing his friend's foot and placing it in his lap. Castiel frowned, lips pursed to ask what Dean was doing, when Dean gripped his foot softly, digging his thumbs in to the soft flesh. Cas' eyes fluttered closed at the amazing feeling of pressure being rubbed out of his foot; Dean's thumbs pushing in to the arch of his foot to the tender muscles before his toes. Dean noticed Cas' lips part when he rubbed the ball of his foot, a small smile playing on his lips as he paid it special attention, feeling the bumps of muscle and bone and he pushed his thumbs harder in to the flesh. Cas gave a quick twitch when Dean softly rubbed the webbing between the toes before rubbing each toe individually.

After ten minutes, Dean moved on to Cas' other foot, ignoring the ache in his hands. Castiel looked like he'd stopped watching the film in favour of enjoying the foot rub, his eyes closed, fingers playing over the bottle in his hands. Dean smiled.

"You all right, Cas?"

"'M good," he mumbled; "thank you, Dean."

Dean just smiled again, grabbing his beer once he'd finished; "you all relaxed?"

"Very much so."

They sat in a content silence, blankly looking at the screen but not paying any attention to the film playing.

"I got some pie too. Cherry, your favourite."

Cas smiled; "go heat it up, I'll be right back."

Both pulled themselves up, Dean going to the kitchen to take the pie from the fridge, Castiel wandering to the bathroom. Dean quickly cut away some pie, sticking it in the microwave, getting the cream from the fridge. Dean liked his pie as was, no cream or extras to taint it; but Castiel liked it in a bowl swimming in double cream, so that's what he was getting it. He sat back down on the sofa, the pie sitting on the coffee table in front of them. Castiel returned, and before he got a chance to sit down, Dean grabbed his wrist, forcing him to sit next to him instead of on the opposite side of the sofa as he was planning. Smiling meekly, Dean leant over to pass Cas his dessert, getting a smile in return. Once Dean had finished his pie, he casually rest his arm over the back of the sofa, behind Cas, waiting for the opportune moment. The arm didn't go unnoticed by Castiel, who eyed it suspiciously as he ate his pie. The moment Castiel leant over to put his bowl on the coffee table, Dean decided to ignore his inhibitions, quickly lifting his leg on to the sofa, slipping it around Cas and pulling his friend to lie against his chest, carding his fingers through his messy hair. Cas stiffened at the sudden display of affection, but quickly melted in to it, enjoying the feeling of Dean's warm body surrounding him.

After a while, Castiel fell asleep against Dean's chest, snoring lightly. Dean smiled affectionately, stroking his fingers through Cas' hair, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead. He gently roused the sleeping man, still stroking his hair.

"Cas, c'mon, get up, you need to go to bed."

Castiel moaned, burying his face further in to Dean's chest; "no, 'm comfy."

"Don't make me carry you. You know I will."

Still moaning, Cas pulled himself up, slowly getting to his feet. Dean jumped up too, taking Cas' arm, helping him take his first few wobbly steps.

"You go get in bed. I'll do the dishes and let myself out."

Cas smiled sleepily; "thank you, Dean."

"Oh, and I got you some food in. So have a proper breakfast, Cas, not just coffee."

"All right... G'night, Dean."

"Night Cas."

He pulled Castiel in to a warm hug, pressing another kiss to his forehead before he let him go to bed.

* * *

Dean went around to Castiel's for the rest of the week, cooking him dinner and doing his chores so he could let go of some of the stress. After the first couple of days, they'd fallen back in to their old friendship, as if they hadn't had a tense year previously. Dean would pick a film Cas had never seen to watch as they ate. After eating Dean would pull Castiel in to his arms and hold him against his body until he fell asleep from his long day. Kissing and hand-holding became a natural thing between them, that they never talked about. They were never proper kisses, just a soft press of the lips against the temple, back of the neck or forehead. Their hands would always gravitate towards each other's, their fingers lacing together.

They were curled up on the sofa watching Ghostbusters, Dean's fingers softly trading up and down Cas' waist, Cas occasionally pressing kisses to Dean's knuckles.

"Do you not have a job, Dean?" Cas mused. Dean smirked, pressing a quick kiss to the back of Cas' neck.

"I quit a while ago. Starting back up at the garage on Monday."

"Oh, that's good."

Dean hummed; "getting my old life back how I like it."

"You wouldn't change anything?"

"Well... I'd change a few things."

Cas turned in Dean's arms to get a better look at him; "hmm?"

Dean smiled, opening his mouth to answer when his phone began ringing. Sighing at the ruined moment, he fished his phone from his jeans pocket and pressed it to his ear.

"Hello?"

Sam was breathing frantically down the phone; "Dean! Uh... Dean they... They've found dad."

Dean sat bolt upright, nearly sending Cas to the floor; "what? Where?"

"Manhatten."

"New York?"

"No, Kansas... He was... He was in a car crash, Dean. He's not in a good way."

"What?"

"They don't think he's going to make it..."

Dean almost began hyperventilating; "Sammy, no..."

"Sorry, Dean. I know you were close, closer than I was with him, anyway... I can get some time off work, we can go up and see him?"

"Um... I uh... I'll ring you back, Sam. I've got to... Uh... Let it sink in."

"Sure, man. I'll talk to you later..."

Dean hung up, staring blankly at the wall in front of him. Castiel sat up, softly cuppnig Dean's face in his hand.

"Dean?"

"It's... My dad's turned up... In uh... A hospital in Manhatten."

Castiel frowned, taking Dean's hand; "I'm sorry."

"He was in a car accident... They don't think he's going to make it..."

Cas could tell how in shock Dean was, pulling him in to a warm hug; "it'll be all right, Dean. You've got me. And Sam, Jess, Ash... I'm not going anywhere, Dean."

Dean let out a deep breath, clinging on to Cas' shoulders; "why does my life suck? I lose Ben, I lose you... I finally get you back and now I lose my dad..."

"The only way is up. Soon good things will start happening, they have to... Even if I have to do it myself."

"No, Cas, I'm supposed to be making it up to you, here. You shouldn't be looking after me."

"I love you, Dean. And you're my friend. I'm not letting you go through this alone. You'd do the same for me."

"I don't deserve you, Cas. Just... I should go, leave you to-"

"-Don't you dare, Dean Winchester. I'm not losing you again."

He grabbed the sides of Dean's face, forcing him to look him in the eye. Dean whimpered, tears beginning to form, prickling his eyes. He reached up tentatively, curling his hand around the back of Cas' neck.

"I can't lose you, Dean. Please don't go."

Dean let out a long sigh; "ask me."

"...Ask you what?"

"To be with you. Forever."

Castiel let out a nervous chuckle, pressing his forehead against Dean's; "will you be mine, forever, Dean? Please?"

Dean smiled sheepishly, his eyes fluttering closed; "I'll never leave you, Cas."

Forcing a quick smile, Cas boldly leant forward, pushing his lips against Dean's. Dean's lips quirked slightly as he let out a long breath through his nose, fisting his hand in Cas' shirt. Their lips moved together languidly, shining with spit, tongues flicking out in to the other's mouth. Cas slid his arms around Dean, pulling their bodies closer together, his heart almost thumping out of his chest. Dean scraped his nails softly against Cas' scalp, moaning in to his mouth as he pulled the smaller man on top of him, his other hand finding a sliver of skin where his shirt hitched up; the scratch of Cas' stubble didn't bother him, neither did the lack of soft curves being replaced with hard angles. Cas hummed appreciatively, trying to comprehend his love of five years was kissing him, willingly. After a long while, they eventually parted to breath, staring longingly in to each other's eyes.

"I get to keep you now, right?" Dean sighed, stroking his thumb against Cas' pulse point. Cas nodded biting his lip.

"God yes."

Dean chuckled, pulling his now boyfriend in to a tight hug, burying his face in to his neck.

* * *

Dean stood stark still, his hand gripping Cas' tightly as they watched the coffin containing John Winchester travel through the hatch to be burned. Castiel just held his head high, not caring his hand was losing blood, knowing he had to be strong for Dean. Sam was stood next to them, Jess in his arms crying quietly. Sam turned to Cas, smiling meekly.

"Thanks, Cas. For being here."

Castiel smiled back; "of course."

"We'll meet you at the Roadhouse."

Cas nodded and turned back to Dean; his eyes had glazed over as he stared at where the coffin had been. He waited until he heard the doors click shut behind Sam and Jess before talking.

"Dean?"

Dean hummed in acknowledgement.

"Are you all right? Would you like a moment alone?"

"Hmm? No. It's just sinking in... I'm never going to see him again. I barely saw him when he was alive, and now..."

Cas nodded, letting go of Dean's hand and pulling him in to his arms. Dean let out a deep breath, burying his face in Cas' neck.

"Thanks for being here with me," he mumbled, holding on to Cas like a life-raft. Castiel pressed a soft kiss to Dean's neck.

"I'll always be here for you. I always have been."

"Come on. Let's get drunk."

Cas smiled, holding out his hand; "I'm not letting you get drunk, Dean. You can have a couple of drinks then I'm taking you home."

"Very well, dear!"

The mood was very sombre at the Roadhouse. Everyone who knew John were sat around a large table with drinks in front of them. Ellen and Bobby jumped up to greet Dean when he walked in. Ellen was the first to pull him in to a tight hug.

"I'm sorry, sweetie. Come. Sit. Have a drink."

Dean forced a smile, giving Bobby a quick hug before settling in next to Sam, Castiel squeezing on the seat beside him. The conversation turned to happier subjects after a while, remembering John's good times, instead of mourning his loss. Dean kept to his word and didn't drink too much. Castiel kept a reassuring hand on his thigh, squeezing occasionally whenever Dean drifted off.

"I'm going to get this one home," Cas declared after a few hours, standing up. Everyone smiled, standing up to see them off. Sam jumped to Cas, pulling him in to a tight hug.

"Thanks for everything, Cas. He needs someone like you, it's about time you were welcomed in to the family."

Cas chuckled, giving Sam a pat on the back; "um, thanks."

"Looks like all your patience paid off though, huh?"

"It seems so, yes."

"Tell him to look after you, or I'm going to kick his ass!"

Ellen cut in, giving Cas a huge hug of her own; "see you round, Cas. Don't let idiot take advantage."

"I wouldn't dream of it," Dean smirked, throwing his arm over his boyfriend's shoulders. Everyone said goodbye to one another, and soon Dean was back at Cas' apartment. Also his apartment once he'd moved all his things in.

"Boxes. Boxes everywhere," Dean grumbled, trying to make his way in to the kitchen. Cas chuckled and leant against the back of the sofa.

"Maybe you should unpack instead of watching Rocky all day."

"It's not my fault. I had every intention of unpacking, then a Rocky marathon was announced, next I know it's night time... What can I do?"

Cas scratched the back of his neck awkwardly; "well, I can think of something..."

"Yeah?

"...Make love to me, Dean."

"Huh? What? Really?"

"Yes. Please?"

"Right... You know I've never done it-"

"-I trust you'll look after me... You will, won't you?"

Dean swallowed around a lump that appeared in his throat; "of course."

He took Cas' hand, leading him through to the bedroom. The hairs on the back of his neck prickled, he felt as if the temperature of the room had tripled as Cas turned to face him, slowly sliding his hands up around his neck. Dean latched his hands on the smaller man's waist, feeling the warm skin radiate through the thin shirt he was wearing. Taking a second to process his thoughts, Dean quickly licked his lips and ducked his head, Castiel meeting him half-way; their lips softly pressing together, sliding against each other's slowly, experimentally. Tentatively, Dean licked at Cas' lips, almost moaning when in response Cas' tongue pushed in to his mouth, tangling with his. He fisted a hand in to Cas' shirt, pulling it out from his trousers before sliding his hand underneath; Cas' warm skin feeling burning hot against his own. Castiel let out a soft moan in to Dean's mouth, it quickly became a trigger. Dean pushed Castiel backwards until the back of his knees hit the bed. He was pushed down on to his back, Dean's lips moving away from his own and down his neck, softly nipping and licking at his skin whilst his hands trailed up his chest, undoing buttons as they went. He pulled away for a moment to pull his own t shirt over his head and pushed Cas' from his shoulders, beginning to litter his chest with kisses and experimental nips to see where Cas was most sensitive. He flicked his tongue against a nipple as he popped open the button on Cas' black dress trousers, clamping his lips around it as he undid the zip. Castiel moaned and arched his back under his friend-turned-lover, feeling overly sensitive from not being touched in so long. Dean groaned against Cas' chest as his erection rubbed against Cas' leg. He pulled himself back up to eye-level, rolling their hips together and moaning as he pressed more kisses to his lover's lips.

"Fuck Cas! I can't... Can't do this... By myself... Need... Need you!"

Cas groaned, stroking his hand down Dean's chest to the waistband of his jeans, stroking a finger along the top before quickly popping open the buttons and pulling them down so they pooled around Dean's feet. Dean gasped, stepping out of them, toeing off his socks before grabbing the legs of Cas' trousers, quickly slipping them off.

"Come on, Dean. It's already been too long, I can't wait any longer!"

Dean's mind glazed over as he took in the sight of the man he loved splayed out half-naked before him; breathing heavily and looking up at him as if he'd hung the moon.

"Damnit, Cas, you're so beautiful! So... Fucking... Beautiful!"

"Dean please!"

"Yeah, yeah... Have you got... Anything?"

Cas pulled himself further up the bed, resting against the pillows; "bottom drawer... I still have the birthday present you got me."

Dean chuckled, quickly yanking open the bottom drawer of Cas' bedside table, rifling under some blankets before pulling out the gift bag he'd given to Castiel the other year. Inside were three various bottles of lube and a box of condoms - a joke Dean found hilarious, Cas didn't find it as funny though. Dropping them on the bed, Dean quickly climbed back up Castiel, kissing up his chest as he hooked his fingers in to his boxers, dragging them down his thighs.

"Here goes," he mumbled, stroking a hand across Cas' hip; "let me know if I'm... Well, doing it wrong."

Cas chuckled; "don't worry, you'll be fine."

Dean nodded, dipping his head to kiss along Cas' hips as he took a soft grip around the base of his dick, stroking softly, Castiel groaning as he did so. Tightening his grip, he pumped a couple of times, grabbing and flicking open the cap of the lube, pouring a generous amount on to his fingers. He nudged Cas' legs further open, settling in between; continuing to stroke Cas and kiss his hips and thighs, he began gently probing with a slicked finger. Cas hissed, rocking his hips forwards.

"You're doing fine, Dean, come on!"

Dean hummed in acknowledgement, biting softly on Cas' hip as he pushed in with one finger, Cas groaning loudly. He waited a few moments for any sign from Cas to stop before sliding in and out, coaxing pleasured mumbles and moans from Castiel who began pushing back against Dean, sucking in a large gulp of air when Dean thrust in a second finger. Two soon became three and Dean found himself admiring the way Castiel writhed and groaned under his ministrations, covered in a slight sheen of sweat, breathing heavily.

"Fuck, Cas, look at you!"

Cas forced his eyes open, managing to smirk at Dean; "stop looking and get doing, will you?"

Dean grinned; "don't need to be told twice..."

Shucking his boxers off, Dean crawled up Cas' body, reaching for the condoms but was stopped by Cas' hand clamping around his wrist.

"No, I want to feel you!"

Dean nodded, gulping down a deep breath; "all right..."

Propping himself up on his elbow, he grabbed the bottle and poured a generous amount on to his hand, slicking up his cock as he pressed soft kisses up and down Cas' neck. Pulling his legs up around his waist, Dean positioned himself at Cas' hole, softly pushing forward slightly.

"Slow first, right?"

Cas nodded, biting his lip and screwing his eyes shut; "at first, yeah... But if you don't speed up I won't be responsible for whatever I do."

Smirking, Dean pushed forward even more, Cas' tight heat enveloping him, eliciting low groans from both men, as Dean pushed further until he was fully sheathed. He rest his forehead against the smaller man's, the two of them panting in to each other's mouths.

"Cas! Fuck!"

Castiel nodded, cracking his eyes open; "I love you, Dean."

"I love you too!"

He pressed a quick kiss to Cas' soft lips. Castiel smirked.

"Move, please."

Nodding, he slowly began pulling out, before thrusting back in, slowly, trying to get used to the sensation, savouring and ensuring he doesn't hurt Castiel in the process. He sped up when Cas gripped his ass tightly, pulling him deeper. Pulling his legs up higher, Dean readjusted his angling, to make it easier to quicken the pace and hit the ball of nerves he knew was in there. With his first thrust, he hit it, causing Cas to arch up off the bed, groaning loudly. Smirking, he kept his lover in place, his hands clamped tightly on his hips as he thrust hard and quick. Castiel writhed underneath him, groaning and grabbing at Dean, trying to keep some kind of purchase as his body was subjected to overwhelming pleasure. He began chanting Dean's name like a mantra. Dean groaned, hearing his name falling from Cas' lips like it was a dirty word, loving the effect he was having on the smaller man.

"Dean! ...Dean, I! ...Dean!"

His eyes fluttered open in time to see Castiel arch up again, crying out his name as he came, untouched, strips of white painting his chest. The sight of Cas' blissed out face and the tight clenching around his cock had Dean following straight away, groaning loudly as his hips stuttered, holding on to Cas' hips so tight there was bound to be a bruise. Letting out a deep breath, he collapsed down on to the man underneath him, smiling dumbly.

"Cas..."

Castiel squirmed out from under Dean, rolling on to his side, the same silly smile on his face. He raised a hand, cupping Dean's cheek, stroking it with his thumb. Dean put his hand on top of Cas', staring in to his blue eyes.

"You're amazing, you know that?"

Cas laughed, resting his forehead against Dean's; "not as much as you..."

"...So how did I do?"

"Not bad for a first-timer," Cas smirked, stretching out, a few bones cracking. Dean scowled.

"Not bad?"

Laughing, he pounced on to Cas, pinning his arms above his head as he assaulted his neck with a barrage of kisses and nips with his teeth. Castiel laughed, managing to free his arms, wrapping them lovingly around Dean's back, stroking softly.

"I fucking love you. So damn much," Dean sighed against Cas' shoulder, pressing a soft kiss to the skin. Castiel smiled.

"I know... I love you too."

* * *

**EPILOGUE**

* * *

Dean sat at his table with a huge grin, watching the celebrations around him. The newly appointed Mr and Mrs Sam Winchester were swaying slowly in each others arms on the dance-floor, friends and family snapping pictures and cooing happily at the couple. He suddenly felt someone sit beside him.

"Hello, Dean."

Dean smiled meekly; "Lisa..."

He turned to look at the brunette beside him, small boy on her knee, smiling and sucking on his fingers.

"You look good."

"I am... How are you? And Ben?"

Lisa sighed wistfully; "struggling along..."

"How's...?"

"Matt? I don't know. He stuck around for two weeks then left town."

Dean frowned; "oh... I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry, Dean. I shouldn't have led you along for so long. I should have had the test done the moment he was born... I'm sorry I let you get attached."

"It's fine... He's a good kid... He's got your eyes!"

Lisa paused, looking around the room before focusing his eyes back on Dean; "he still needs a father figure, Dean. I worry about him not getting the right influences... I'd like it if you took the job. I mean, you don't have to pretend to be his father or anything... He just needs a male role model."

Dean grimaced; "I'm not sure, Lis."

"I promise it won't be any hassle! You could just be... Uncle Dean. You could take him out sometimes... Babysit... Anything. He needs a good man in his life... I'd hoped you were the father because of that... You'll make a great dad one day."

Dean chuckled, looking down at Ben; "I highly doubt I'll have kids..."

"Oh?"

At that moment, Castiel returned from taking a call outside, slipping in to the seat on the other side of Dean, pressing a kiss against his boyfriend's temple. Dean smiled.

"Lisa, you remember Cas, right?"

Lisa looked between the two men incredulously; "...Yeah! You're his best friend."

"And a little more," Cas smirked, lacing his fingers with Dean's, squeezing tightly. Dean smiled at how defensive Castiel was becoming in Lisa's presence.

"Really Dean? You and Cas?"

Dean shrugged; "it was always Cas..."

"So you're... Gay now?"

"Oh, no. It's just him."

"Oh..."

"Anyway... I'd actually love to be Uncle Dean, if that's all right? Unless, me and Cas are a problem...?"

Lisa stared blankly at everything around her, still trying to digest the new information as her son babbled to himself on her knee; "huh? No... Just... A shock I suppose... Do you want to look after him? I'm going to go uh... Powder my nose or... Whatever it is women do..."

Before Dean could answer, Lisa pushed the boy on to Dean's knee and stalked out of the room. Dean chuckled and held Ben up to look at him.

"Hey dude. Remember me? ...I think I broke your mom, sorry."

Castiel smiled, holding on to Dean's arm softly.

"I'm your weird Uncle Dean! This is boring Uncle Cas - he'll try to make you eat sprouts!" he whispered loudly. Castiel laughed and waved awkwardly at the boy in front of him. Ben just laughed and flapped his arms, making grabby gestures at Dean.

"Shall we go see Uncle Moose?" Dean laughed, standing up, pulling Ben to sit against his hip. Castiel followed at his side as they walked on to the dance-floor, cutting in on Sam and Jess dancing. Sam smirked.

"Dean?"

"Ben, meet Uncle Moose, Uncle Moose, meet Ben."

Sam laughed; "hey Ben."

"He's worse than Cas, he'll try to make you eat rabbit food!"

Sam grabbed Jess' arm and pulled her to his side; "Jess, this is Ben. Ben, this is the most beautiful woman in the world."

Dean chuckled and bounced Ben in his arms; "she's a real princess. When you're older you'll have to protect her!"

Jess smiled widely, taking a gentle hold of the infant's hand as he babbled happily. Sam smiled too, clapping his brother on the back.

"So, what's all this?"

Dean shrugged; "I've been given permission to be Uncle Dean. Ben needs a good male influence."

Sam laughed; "and Lisa chose you?"

"Hey! I did a good job with you!"

"That's true... Anyway, mommy's back."

Dean spun around to see Lisa walking over to them, a smile finally on her face. Ben threw himself in her direction, Dean struggling to stop the boy falling out of his arms, handing him back to his mother.

"He's awesome, Lis. Really."

Lisa smiled at her son, pressing a quick kiss to the top of his head; "he is... I know this is short notice, but do you want to look after him next Thursday? My girlfriend's having a bachelorette party."

Dean grinned; "sure. You still got the same number?"

"Yes... I'll give you a ring."

Smiling, they gave each other a kiss on the cheek and Lisa left, a big grin refusing to leave Dean's face. Smiling, Castiel hooked his arm through Dean's, pulling his gaze to him.

"You ok?"

Dean swooped down, pressing a searing kiss to his lover's lips; "I'm fucking, amazing."

* * *

It was Dean's day off, and he planned on enjoying it lounging on the sofa watching Tarantino films with a cold beer, when his phone rang. Sighing, he flipped the lid and pressed it to his ear.

"This is Dean."

"Hey Dean, it's Lisa. I hate to ask this of you, but my car's just died, and I won't be back for a good few hours... You couldn't pick Ben up from kindergarten, could you?"

Dean grinned, loving spending time with his unofficial nephew; "sure, Lis. What time does he get out?"

"Two."

"Yep, no problems. I love looking after the little guy."

"He loves spending time with you Dean. It's all he talks about... Anyway, the mechanic's just gotten here. Thank you so much, I owe you one!"

"Don't worry about it. See you later."

Still grinning, Dean shut the TV off and set about planning things to do with Ben instead. Just before two, he climbed in to the Impala and set off to Ben's school, knowing he loved being picked up in Dean's awesome car. He pulled up in the playground, waiting for the rush of children to run outside. He climbed out, searching the crowd of tiny people for Ben. The small dark-haired boy threw himself at Dean's legs, grinning up at him.

"Dean!"

"Hey kid, your mom's got car troubles."

"So I get to hang out with you today?"

"Yeah you do! First thing, we go see Cas on his break."

Ben fist-pumped the air; "can we get ice-cream on the way? Can I sit in his chair?"

Dean chuckled and ushered Ben in to the car; "I'm sure if you ask him nicely he'll take you take a spin in it!"

"Awesome!"

* * *

**AN: Ah-hah! There we go! That was the ending I initially had in mind... And the John bit was something I forgot to put in the first time around, so... I prefer this one! I hope you do too (:**


End file.
